Poems

I've written a lot in my life,mostly in english and mostly poetry.These are some that I've written over the years starting since I was 13 up to now,although I haven't written in months.Anyways,I was bored and wanted to post something else so here are some of my best,each have a different meaning and story behind it,but I'd rather let the ones who read it assign them to an event that may have happened in their life or just imagine a story behind them.After all,the beauty of reading is a personal experience for each of us to imagine.Most of the poems might seem dark and depressive,some might call them "  emo"   which is plainly stupid,since the real meaning of the word emo isn't what everyone thinks it is and that the music genre itself degenerated from it's natural form,but that's something else.I was inspired by Poe's poetry,it shows a dark and hidden side of the world many miss or don't want to find out about because it's too difficult to understand.Some of us see beauty in some things,I see beauty in everything,but mostly I see it in tragedy,in drama,in the tragic events of one's life,they are everything,they derive from a normal,happy even,event and transform into an unexpected hellish memory.It's probably the deepest representative of the human literature and which has the most meaning,everything has beauty,but tragedy,has it all.I'll try to put them in order by the time line I've written them.


Agony


I wish life could just burn away the pain,and leave the ashes behind as memories of solitude,past regrets no longer existent seem to come back to mind even now

The pain still remains,as power of will grows weaker,regret past mistakes.They make us see the reality of this dark and distorted world,make learning from past wrongdoings,and reminder,to not make the same mistakes again

I sit here and watch the sun's light rise upon the darkness.It's burning brightness penetrates into the dawn,making way for the moon,soon to succumb even the last shred of life,I can see beyond the existent...

I feel no warmth from the light,nor coldness from the shadows of the night.I feel agony and silence,no more pain,no more self regard,just lust for the images I see now,the fall of an archaic heaven is upon me.

 

Crystal Frozen Glass


In memory you kept the visions
Awaken by a cold wave fading away
Bring back the harmony of yesterday
Just so you could see it's over
What started out to be a blessing of the gods
Turned into a reign of deafening silence
The whispers of the frozen statues
The land of the forgotten wonder

The prophecy predicted ravens coming
Turning the skies into a dark cover
Imaginary is this dream of isolated heaven
Hidden in time from the rest of the world
It's discovery unknown to human race
Too fragile for it's own sake
To be kept safe in this rare composition of ice landscapes
The realm that separates life from death

It's ruler is fitted to last this state
A queen whose heart is a stranger to feelings
And eyes that reflect the past ages of her glorious kingdom
Numb and still is this image
Like an oil painted picture
Full of agony,calm but still in pain
A chocking breeze descends from the heaves above
And the frozen tears of rain gently follow it's way.
 
 
 
Crystal Frozen Glass Part II
 

My heart is lost in the great abyss of fire
Eternal shadows cast on my tears of sorrow
Red blood flowing like a black ocean of darkness

It is supposed to be winter,but the sun has been shining brightly
It's deep light blinds my crystal green eyes
Turning them into a cold gray,as cold and numb as my soul

If I could be forever lost in the heaven of ice
To feel the cold softness of the snow,the still frozen water
Taking over me,so I could never be awakened again

To let go of my love,my pain and agony,and to live forever
In this fairy tail world,this is my dream,this is my harmony
The key to my immortal freedom...

   

Condemned


As the artist,I was blinded
As the musician,I was voiceless
As the dreamer,I was broken
As the lover,I was failure
As the mortal,I was wrong.


In the silence,I was destroyed 
In the pain,I was condemned
In the winter,I was free
In the cold,I was left
In the darkness,I was at my safest.


By their rules,I never applied
By their laws,I did not fit in
By their judgment,I was judged
By their view,I was different
By you,I was everything and nothing.


On this world,I was forsaken
On this song,I died and reborn
On this dance,I did not know the steps
On this journey,I shall never return
On this day,I still don't know the answers.


From these lies,I need the truth
From these eyes,I was misjudged
From these words,you truly know me
From this moment,I am lost forever
From this poem,I realize I may lose everything
Is this all worth it?



Valentine's Day

In my religion it's a day like any other
But soon it became known to all the couples here too
It matters a lot to some,they take hours to plan it
Some say if you don't have a date by then you don't matter
Well than,I guess I don't...
I've never had a day like this for real with anyone
But at least I'm not the only one
Maybe I chose to be single,maybe I want to be left out
Maybe I'm a proud loner,what's wrong about that?
Or maybe I have someone,someone dear
Who I love with all my heart,but still,it wouldn't matter
We still wouldn't be spending this day together
And I don't believe in happy ever after

It happens to everyone,I'm not the only one so...
Why is it such a big deal to me?

Maybe it's a feeling of worthiness we all get
I've always been alone,well,not always...
But it's a long and difficult story,which I won't get into
Maybe I'm just waiting for someone to come
And pick up the pieces left behind me,but no one I guess
They're either careless,judging,or scared
"Fear is only in our minds but it's taking over all the time"
Wise words these,maybe the wisest I've heard
We're all scared of some things,more or less
The thing to fear most is not death
But fear of not living at all
Does it make sense? to me it does


It happens to everyone,I'm not the only one so...
Why is it such a big deal to me?

I know I haven't lived life to the fullest
Cause I've never been truly happy
This word does not appear in my vocabulary
Just this wretched,cursed day gives me nerves
It's so stupid and vain
Like Romeo and Juliet,I mean c'mon
What idiot would actually take their life away
For some idiotic feeling called love?
Wait...actually,don't answer that...
The thing is,I wish you'd kill me,shoot me,stab me,anything
Just don't tell me you love me,cause that alone,hurts the most

This childish feeling,is not for me
I am too cold,rational and distant
Although I've not always been like this,agony changed me
Valentine's day,is a cursed day
But it happens to everyone,I'm not the only one so...
Why is it such a big deal to me?

 

Bittersweet

She was like the venom,I tasted it and perished
It only took a second,to feel like an eternity
Through all the smoke and alcohol I had engulfed,her taste in my mouth was most prominent
Her tongue spilled the poison that paralyzed me
That left me breathless,that heated up all of my insides
In my mind I knew the danger,the curse hidden behind her wicked smile and her deep eyes
Her gentle touch went beneath my skin,and in her cold approach my veins turned to ice
I dared to ask for more,and I didn't care for the consequences
Never before had I known the meaning of the word alive,until I held her and called her Mine
When I managed to wake up,I realized it ended as quickly as it had began
I had opened Pandora's Box,and there was no way of closing it
Laying on my back,with the smoke devouring me,feeling the ash burn me alive
My mind was blank,refusing to piece together all that happened
I was in a dream where I was the only actor,and the background at the same time
The rough loud music drugged me to the point where I was utterly high
And the beer drunk me,drowned me in my own tears,and finally,released me
I had the sweet taste of heaven and the bitter taste of hell at once
It took one moment,one minute,one second,to feel complete at last
But sadly it took even less for it all to fall apart,and leave me broken...
  


Revenge

 
And I can't stop thinking about you now   
And I still hate you
The scars are deep,and they still burn incarcerated
Anger flowing deep through my blood,this will never be over
The wounds are fresh,this will pass in slow motion
As I wait for the day of reckoning I pray
May hell have my soul,no one is worthy
We are all condemned to live in sins and lies
And I can't stop dreaming about you
And I can't stop thinking now
Ignoring the sound it's like a background in my head
Never-fading colors and the volume deafening
Blinding images,colors too bright
Like fire extinguished too late
Cold ice that never melts
No one will ever know the truth
And nothing can ever bring the memories back
I've never lived for the present
The future holds secrets only the past can reveal
The undreaming is unchained,as I let all it die slowly
And I'm still counting the hours now
And I'm still wishing for a better day to come
The images so blurry but they make sense
Lost no doubt I shall find them buried and broken
This search for freedom goes on and on
Tormented thick minds and restless souls
Evolution too far,regeneration never comes in time
It's never too late,but it is always delayed
The truth might be too hard to handle
As so many questions are still left unanswered
And I see it now
And I finally realize
This chase never ends
True happiness only comes once in a life time
Love to hate,there is no difference
Only the minds of the humans,so deceiving
True wisdom is unimaginable
True knowledge is never met
Too much to know,not enough time to research
Life's too short,every second counts
I'm not afraid of dying,I don't want to miss a thing
But I don't want to live forever either
I wait for the day of the eternal resting
And it's getting closer now
And I finally have you
And I hear you screaming
And it is so pleasing
Look at what you've done,enjoy every moment of it
This transformation was just waiting to reveal itself
I saw it coming,but I was too desperate to realize
You were holding me back,you were too much alike
Where are your prophecies now?
They can't save you,nor the pain inflicted
By my lustful desire for revenge
Get the hell away from me,I offered you a way out of this mess
I gave you all my trust and my most intimate feelings
Your turned me down badly,no offence but I can't stand you
This is the hunt,this is the one single moment
I'm letting it all go,as I see you going down
As I keep holding on you're still screaming loudly
A beautiful melody to my mad thirst for blood
Take a deep breath and try to hold on,this will soon be over
Each word has a hidden meaning,can you understand mine?
Can you feel me inside you?
Fear is only imaginary,but it's enough for coward minds to kill
But you are not one of them
Can you feel my wrath posses you?
There is no good and evil,they are one and the same
I stopped wondering about that now
And you're finally getting weary
But you're too cold,so distant,so out of reach
And I feel my whole body freezing,you're taking the lead again
I try to fight it off,you're fading and getting stronger
It's time to end it quickly,or this shall go on forever
None of us will ever win
As I watch you die it is the end of my torment
The end of the struggle,the end of everything
Annihilated by the fake feelings,and weak desires
Weak indeed,but you were the one to fall now
And no guilt is in my heart as it's racing madly
Your death was my resurrection,and it was so pleasing
And I'll never regret a single moment
You knew I would be able to do this,but you didn't listen
You never did,and I guess you never will again...

 

Death


Can't you see I don't care
I take whatever you put into me and throw it out
Take a knife and dissect my brain
Dissect my hallow mind,see beneath the concrete of my shield
So take a gun and blow away to bits this darkness
It won't go until it will devour me eternally
Restlessly it stares,it just stares madly
I take it and throw it against the wall
It shouts and it bores in my head like a machine
I'll take you and burn you,I'll keep you away from the innocent ones
The ones of which souls you feed on,your hunger unimaginable
Your thirst poisonous,infectious like a disease
I'll hold you by the throat on the ground
No longer will you whisper against the ears of the deaf
It's dark but I can see you,no longer blinded
I feel your cold embracing breath
Your nails on my spine you tear it out
You cripple and numb me but I still feel you
No matter if I run,you're always there watching,waiting
Until you finish the last of me,your sympathy I fear
Your mercy I don't doubt,your wrathful anger I pray on
No more do I long for the burning whips
I wait for you to throw the first stone,I dare you
I tell you to devour me on the inside so your madness I fulfill
You crawl into my soul and take it out
Throw it like a needless thing,worn out and useless
I want to feel special but realize I'm just like the other martyrs
Sacrificed just to please a holly one,I'd rather confine in your sins
At least when I reach the end I realize I got just what I deserved
Just like the rest of them...



From My Aching Heart


It hurts me more than it hurts you
But I have to do this,for my own salvation
Selfish desire,tears drip from my aching heart
Emotions run into despair,and I need to do this

I need to be alone,I need to hurt you
I need you here,I need to lie to you
I need to feel you,I want to hurt you
I need to destroy you to complete myself

I'm chasing a dream after another
Turning into nightmares and my lack of self confidence
It leads me astray,it pushes me away off the rocks
To the deep sea,to the darkness,into you,leaves me breathless

I need to be alone,I need to hurt you
I need you here,I need to lie to you
I need to feel you,I want to hurt you
I need to destroy you to complete myself

My eyes are closed but I can see you in the dark mist
Your own soul fades into mine and you feel me inside
My mask falls,defenses worthless now lie in ruins
And you see me as I am,you see yourself in my deepest agony

I need to be alone,I need to hurt you
I need you here,I need to lie to you
I need to feel you,I want to hurt you
I need to destroy you to complete myself
But I want you to break me instead
And show me what I really am
Let this beast which dwells inside be free
Set me into eternal exile and kill me
Like I've killed you...

 

Die My Darling


I take this noose and tie it around your thin neck
The pale white of the rope matches your skin color so perfectly
As white and cold as your soul,dead on the inside,rotten on the outside
I take this chain and do the same,the heavy shackles weigh you down to your grave
The gray/greenish of the metal's rust,matches your eye color so beautifully
As gray and rusted as your heart,which will soon cease to beat so hastily
The more I stare at you the more I feel a rage full insanity with a strange sense of calm
I shall creep on you while your nocturnal slumber,and touch you so gently,oh so softly
With this sharp blade,prepared especially for you,with a pinch of dirt and poison
I shall silence you while whispering that this won't hurt a second,after all your pleasure lies in pain,and that's what I'm giving you
I watch the rope do it's work,leaving you breathless,and the shackles tight around your wrists give the impression that you're begging
And it provides me with such a positive and magnificent sight
I shall kneel and sing you a dark serenade,a funeral song with a special lyrical dedication
Before I put you to rest forever,six fit under and cover you with black mud allowing weeds to grow
I shall drag you,like a master drags his dog through the wet,cold ground on a rainy night
With the moon high above,just like you always imagined the perfectly romantic encounter
I shall say a prayer or two before burring you,make sure your Goddess doesn't take this all wrong
And sends you to hell instead of heaven thinking it might be a suicide attempt
I shall take this sword and dub you My lovely dark bride forever,soon to be nothing but a boneless corpse
Decapitated and fumigated by striking lighting instead of the normal,religious ceremonial progression
You shall be without a coffin,without a tomb,wearing nothing but a blood stained,transparent gown shinning in the moonlight
I would however,like to keep some of your bodily parts for a personal collection of what you once were
I shall keep your brain for dissection and hopefully understand the ignorance you were blessed with so unimaginably
Your rusty heart pinned above my bed,continuously pumping a bloody river of unforgiveness,pain,sorrow and regret
Of course the one that you gave me,not the one that you had never felt
I shall collect some of your sweet blood in wine bottles of utmost expensive cost to fit my taste of necrotic luxury
And make a toast to our eternally shattered love that was nothing but a false impression of bliss and passion
I shall stay a bit,watching,waiting until the rats devour your organs
The insects run through your veins and the crows pick out your eyeballs with their beaks,leaving nothing but empty holes
And with this horrid,sadistic image of self indulgence and personal thoughts of self reflection
I leave you my dear,rest in peace now and forever with a last kiss of death and the Ripper to hold you
I shall bow,wave goodbye and thank you for the nothingness you gave me,the ecstatic pain of the faint,shallow pleasure
And bid you farewell my beautifully dead,corpse bride,death did us apart indeed,but only the less fortunate one of us
And on your black,shattered tombstone,the ones who walk by will be able to lecture:
"In memory of a young,beautiful,aspiring poet,who left this world in a hurry,long before her time
The cause of this tragic outcome,left unknown up to this day,so tragic and gruesome it would fit an Edgar Allan Poe story
She now lays in her own bloody grave,dead,gone,alone and forgotten forever
A death brought by a mad desire for revenge,a desire so powerful,so deep,it is impossible to ever measure
And so inhuman,you could swear it was done by none other than a sick and perverted devil."
Well then,I must confess,I guess I am guilty of this dark work of art,but alas,I must admit
It brought me a great amount of self satisfaction and insatiable pleasure...



Feelingrupct

You made me kneel,and cut my head off
You made me bleed,just to wash the blood up
You saved me,just so you could kill me again
I called you an infatuation when you cared only as a friend
In my foolish concept to even conceive that you'd love me
When I left you your first reaction was to leave me
The fault was my own,for giving all I had
Now I lay here destroyed and empty,just like in the beginning
Your coldness succeeded mine so strongly
Your ignorance lies in simply not knowing the feeling
The flame was strong but you managed to extinguish it
Left behind a barren void of burnt ashes to be buried in
The fault was my own again,as I analyze this
No matter how hard I try there is no reason to fight it
Take the good with the bad I only have the worst left
And you will remember this only as a one time experience
We spend a whole life trying to build something
And instead it all comes down in a second
So I will end this confession with haste
Knowing that of all I could have I only had a taste
I hope you find better,and that you will get the most
That you will find someone who cares,and that the cost
Will be better than what my last investment was worth...



Lost In Tragedy


Defeat,burned and buried down in the ground,it's not worth it
All hope is lost,the nameless stare haunts me
So try and forget it all but your back is still stuck against the wall
So long is the story and so short the live that is in it
A revealing sight blinded by a deadly light
So bright,the vision escapes me but bores inside my mind endlessly
Too late,all that was once beauty is now destroyed
And I remain trapped in an endless void in time

Come and take a step inside,go ahead and explore my mind
The lies of my false savior devoured me
Wasted it all on an ancient lore,not enough to save our soul
And now the search for perfection leaves me numb

The images,blurry and colorful,so alive,yet so dead in form
A slip from the deadly ledge sends me straight into the dying edge
But now I see it all,my deceit enlightened by the fall
How does it feel to lose your sanity and get absorbed by the insanity
Ignorance and inhumanity at their worst level,in this dark dream I now revel
Try,just try to ignite me,conceive,converge and confront me
See beyond the shell of the body a spirit lost in commodity
And the shattering events of tragedy built on lessons far beyond normality

Come and take a step inside,go ahead and explore my mind
The lies of my false savior devoured me
Wasted it all on an ancient lore,not enough to save our soul
And now the search for perfection leaves me numb

But now the past can't be changed and I am forced to live with the blame
Never shall I submit,never shall I surrender,I will not be devoured by cruelty
I am not a pawn at ease in their suicidal game
My mind is my own,you shall never again take away what's rightfully mine
And the eulogy of her dying soul torments my mind forevermore
But her sacrifice will not have been in vain...


Hope you like them,they're not even half of what I wrote,but they were the most worthy lets say,to put on a blog.